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You have been happily dating/married to the love of your life for several years. Suddenly you discover your sweetie has been hiding a stack of letters from you. He/she is very secretive about the letters, won't tell you who the letters are from, and refuses to throw them away. What would you do?
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Well, I have been “happily” married for a few years now, and I have found some letters my husband was hiding in a small box that might as well read, “Look here!” So I did, and surely I found some love letters from his past relationships. I have to admit they were quite entertaining and informative. The one thing that surprised me the most was how needy and dependent all these women sounded, quite opposite of who I am, very independent.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading few of them, I lost my interest and I put them back into the box. I never asked my husband to throw them away because I don’t care. If looking at those letters makes him happy, than who am I to judge.
Anna P.
After reading “Her Letters” by Kate Chopin, I would like to add to my previous comment that I don’t mind the letters I have found since they are from the past. Now, if I discovered a love letters that were current, meaning after we got married, then we would have a problem:)
ReplyDeleteIf i had found the right person that makes me happy for a few years and then i find out that he keeps letters and refuses to tell me from who are from i might break up with him. First, i have to analyze and think if this a problem that is affecting my relationship. Second, if he doesn't want to tell me means that he is still thinking of this person or the letters are complement for his personality. Third, i'll give him sometime to think, then THIS IS A HARD DESICION!!! i mean that i don't really know how i'll feel after knowing that he still thinks about somebody else even though it happen before we met. On the other hand, if those letters are from the present, i'll have to leave him although it hurts bad.
ReplyDeleteIn many occasions secrets are kept from one another in a relationship, and it is very understandable that the secret is kept for varies reasons. But I think for a relationship to truly work, the secrets must be shared even though your scare of what might happen! Letters are just memories from the past, and if my love one feels that this past memories keep him happy. Then who am I to judge, I just know that the past can’t be erased. But the future is where I am going to be. So to tell you the truth it won’t bother me at all that my love one will have letters from the past!
ReplyDeleteHeidy L.
When I was growing up, my friends/boyfriends and I passed notes to each other in class, in the hallways between classes, and stuck notes in each other’s lockers. It was easy to write notes. The teacher saw us writing, and just assumed we were taking notes on his/her lecture! By the time I finished high school, I had literally hundreds of notes, cards and letters from friends and boyfriends.
ReplyDeleteI got engaged my second year of college -- I was all of 19 years old. My fiancé (now ex-husband) was jealous of any other male, be he friend or ex-boyfriend. I distinctly remember, a few weeks before the wedding, taking my box of notes, cards, letters and photos to the garage, and slowly, reluctantly throwing them into the garbage can. I even had letters from a friend who was serving in Vietnam! The most difficult were the things from my first love, Larry Eugene Landreth, Jr. I threw most of the notes away, but held on secretly (and with much guilt and trepidation) to the most treasured items.
Ironically, about three years into my marriage, I innocently discovered my husband had a stack of letters and photos from his first love. I was pretty upset, especially in lieu of my own "sacrificed" momentos. He refused to get rid of them, and was quite angry with me for "finding" them. It probably bothered me for awhile, but I know I got over it and thereafter felt justified for keeping what I'd kept from Larry.
Over the years I'd forgotten all about my "secret stash." One day, while unpacking boxes after my move to New York, I discovered them again. I tried for a year after that to find Larry on Classmates.com, to no avail. One day, though, I found his younger sister. We exchanged numbers and ended up talking on the phone for hours. It was then I learned that Larry had died tragically in his early 30's.
Now, at this age, for me, anyone I might consider having a romance with has a past. As long as his past doesn't interfere with our present and future, he can keep whatever he wants for that occasional stroll down memory lane -- understanding that I may take my own strolls as well.
If I was to discover that the person who I truly love was hiding a stack of letters from his pass relationships and refuses to tell me who they are from or to throw them away, I will be pretty upset with him. Even though the letters are from many years ago, I think that hiding things from your partner it’s just not the right thing to do. Specially, because the key for a relationship to be successful and to work, is trust. If there is no trust it is not love and it will never work. Also, marriage is not a game. In order to marry someone, one needs to be a hundred percent committed with that person, know them very well without keeping any kind of secrets from each other. If that person continues to not let go of those memories/ letters, in my opinion I wouldn’t continue my relationship with him. I believe that having letters from pass relations when you are with your current partner means that your partner somewhere in his heart still has feelings for one of his pass lovers. In witch by me knowing that, I don’t think I could keep going with a relationship like that because I wouldn’t know whether to trust him or not or if he loves me as he says he does. It will hurt me deeply, but no one dies from love, and life continues with new and better expectations.
ReplyDelete-Gabriela Portilla-
I have been dating my boyfriend mike for a while now and things are pretty serious. In order to answer this I have to put myself in that position mentally. If I had found letter that he was hiding I would probably wait till he left one day and go through them. Now I know that isn’t right but in order for me to know for my own good I would have to read them myself. I have a very hard time trusting, if he were to hide them from me and then not tell me who they were from I would assume he was cheating and in order for me to believe he wasn’t I would have to read them. Now I'm not sure if I would tell mike that I read them or not. A part of me thinks I would but another thinks that I wouldn’t because he would get upset. I think it really depends on what the letters said or not. If they in fact revealed that he was having another relationship I would confront him but if they said nothing and nothing but old memories in them then I think I would let it be and never bring it up again.
ReplyDelete-Alexandra G
I have ten years of happy marriage, and if I discover that my wife is hiding letters from me,the first thing I do it's ask her why she never showed me those letter, and I would try to convince her to throw them away, but if she wants to keep them I will have no problem with that.
ReplyDeleteIf I were happily married and my husband had secret letters he was keeping from me I would be upset and I would tell him let's talk about it and why is he keeping them. If he was secretive about them I would tell him to get rid of them. My way or the highway. But if we had that trust and understanding then he would be able to talk about it.
ReplyDeleteFarrah E.
The past is the past. If my husband or boyfriend want to occasionally read some old love letter that may be letters of passion its fine with me. I think its perfectly harmless. I would only feel this way of course if i was secure in the relationship. I would hope that the love for me would be more important and the letters more of a reminiscence of the past. I would hope that the letters were just away of him entertaining himself on what he used to have and see why it didn't work. More like a reminder that he has better now.
ReplyDeleteIn reality my, "light switch," relationship is one year shy of the seven year mark. To me it's still considered a long time, but Janelle Allen is the women I shared, "puppy love," with. Anyways, if we were together again and I one day happen to discover a secret stash of letters she would be rigorously interrogated. On the other hand I know I'd feel like tearing through those letters like a wild cat, however I believe privacy shouldn't be invaded. Anonymous phone calls and text messages are one thing, but a whole big everlasting stash of letters in my opinion is far more worst. I was never the demanding type, but I would have to request the whole truth, nothing less. The only way I would accept my girl having a stash of letters is the joy of recalling back down the memory lane of childhood.
ReplyDeleteTo me, a healthy and happy relationship is reached by not being able to hide things from one another. You should be able to share anything with your partner and feel comfortable doing so. I understand privacy is a matter and i respect that. If my partner refused to show me these secretive letters i would grow quite suspicous as if she was cheating on me or having an affair. If my partner showed proof to me that these letters were not of her having an affair with anyone i would believe her of the rest of the letters and respect her privacy.
ReplyDeleteNicholas R
I believe that if the relationship should work there should be no secrets at all. If my future wife was hiding letters from me I would be concern. On the other hand I would respect her privacy, but I am scorpio and this thing would really bother me. It would be also different if those letters came from her past or during our relationship. It is tough question and it is hard to say how would I react. It depends on situation.
ReplyDeleteI feel that relationships are based on honesty and trust, you cant have one without the other. If the person I am dating hid something like that from me and would act funny when ever i asked about the letters I would try talking about why they are such a big secret and what it means that he is hiding it from me. And would explain to him that if he has been hiding that for so long then what else could he be hiding.
ReplyDeleteMaddalen G
If I were marry to the love of my life and I discover my wife has been hiding a stack of letters from me. I think it would not be a problem because If she really loves me she will never leave me, so we should trust each other to show some respect. Also, if she refuses to throw them away it would not be a problem either, because I think even though we are happily married each one of us need our own privacy.
ReplyDeleteI think that in a relationship you have to be able to trust each other. If my boyfriend did not want to show the letters to me then I would be suspicious and upset. I understand that he has the right to his own space, but if the content of the letters are harmless then he shouldn't have any problems sharing it with me.
ReplyDelete